I've covered some of this before. If it sounds like I'm repeating myself, I totally am.

Warning: this is long and will take more concentration skills than the vast majority of my posts. It's a lot of disjointed information.

I was hanging out at my family's place during the summer. My main companion was my same-aged niece, who was and is completely batshit crazy. I used to assume that she'd grow more mature or centered as we grew up, but she never really did. Nevertheless, I was very self conscious and took things very seriously. I looked up to her because she was "out there". She seemed to like having an audience/anchor.

She had a brand new best friend who I could immediately tell was a moron. This girl looked like she had a lot of trouble fitting in and jumped into situations without thinking all of the time just to be accepted by others. If I would have met this girl by myself, I probably would have convinced her to do something sick and/or embarrassing... She would have left me in tears.

Instead, my niece's cousin got to her first. I hadn't met either him or her yet, I heard about it over the phone before I got there. When I met them both it was very clear what had happened. She was trying to appeal, he was taking advantage of easy. I liked him.

My niece and her new friend didn't. They were calling him names and the lot. In order to get along peacefully, I decided to keep my thoughts to myself. And, for the duration of this summer, I kept most of my real thoughts to myself quite well.

One day we girls were sitting outside. We were supposedly watching some slightly older boys paint a building, which is an activity that went on a few days. They were saying dirty shit about them. Whatever. A few times I noticed some guy about the same age wandering around. He lived in the building they were painting. He looked over a few times. The girls never noticed him. One of these days, right after he'd walked by, I said something about it.

My niece's friend knew him. She'd kissed him the year before. "OH MY GOD you should like totally meet him, you would be a great couple!" My niece agreed. I sat there confused as to how this just happened, because all I was doing was observing outloud. I didn't say he was attractive or interesting or anything of the sort. I could barely see him from the distance we were at. I didn't want this information coming at me. I said no, I would rather not. I could "hook" MYSELF up just fine ON MY OWN. They said we had to meet.

Her friend ran over to his house. I ran back inside my niece's house and locked myself in the bathroom. Through the door my niece told me that they'd gotten him and they had all talked about me and I should come out and he wanted to meet me now. Fuck. Bitches.

I met him later by myself to say that I did it so they would leave me alone. I couldn't even look at him because I was embarrassed as fuck but I figured it would be okay to at least stand in presence long enough to gauge whether or not to bother with this idea. Neh...

That night, my niece and I were in her room watching tv and talking about random shit. The window was wide open. I happened to glance out her window and notice that he was out there, sitting on the grass. What the.. I got up to the window. He had friggin' binoculars. THE HELL. Dude, Niece, look at this. He has fucking binoculars. She immediately got up and said she "forgot" she had to let her dog out... I didn't want to get in trouble for this, her parent(s) weren't asleep yet and us going outside together was too obvious, so I let her go out and I observed from the window.

They were talking for a while, obviously about me. I don't like information happening that I'm not getting, so I jumped out the window.

"So... What's with the binoculars?"

"Stargazing".

FAG.

My niece said that he should call us, since we couldn't be outside long...

We got back inside and he called us. He mostly just talked to her. She got his number and gave it to me. He didn't seem like a total loser. I decided I might give it a shot because I was a year or two behind on my well-adjusted friends and I might as well start experimenting with what's available, at least getting an idea...

The following day I met a couple of boys at a park and they were clearly hitting on me and they were pretty hot and that's just sad. Every few years I hear about them randomly running into my niece or another girl that was present, and that guy always asks about me... Fucking hell. Unfair.

That night I spent some unexpected alone time with the boy - something like an hour while my niece was dying her hair. We just talked. We decided that we weren't "going out" like the girls kept saying we were, since we obviously were not going anywhere at all. Maybe we could be boyfriend/girlfriend, though, maybe...

When my niece came out to talk with us, I was requested to leave so she could talk to him in private.

She asked him a bunch of stupid questions to judge him, and one of them was "What would you do if you and her were locked in a car together?"

His answer: "fog up the windows".

My niece and I laughed for hours.

I went home a day or two later. He and I continued to talk on the phone. We had things in common and it was nice that he was calling me.

I also talked to my niece on the phone.

One day not long after going home, "you better dump him". Crazy = dramatic.

"WHAT? We're not even GOING OUT. WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT. Why would I 'dump' him, anyway?"

She said she didn't know.

He told me that she was bugging him in real life.

She said the opposite, that he was going out of his way to flip her off and such. When I didn't respond, she said he was saying "things" about me. I asked her to specify. She didn't know.

One day she called me and told me that a bunch of kids were playing truth or dare the night before and he kissed another girl on a dare.

And I care because?

He called me later the same day. His first words were "... I'm sorry".

"Yeah? Why?"

He stumbled over his words. It was pretty funny. It was nice to hear him squirm. Fucking liar.

They were both lying to me about each other, I could tell. They both kept calling me with stories of the other. She was the worst, and was obviously lying. It was hard to tell how much he said was truth or lies, but after a while it was just assumed that they were like an interactive reality show or something... All fake.

I was gone for about a week with my niece, her friend, the cousin, etc for some extremely ironic jesus-learnin'. I learned that I was surrounded by easily manipulated human beings. My niece's friend wasn't even christian but the camp convinced her that she HAD to be baptized or she'd go to hell, so she was baptized in front of everyone. I was rolling my eyes and snickering, probably wondering why she wasn't struck by lightning the minute she hit the water for being such a blasphemous whore. ... The day before she was baptized, she made out with a guy we all knew.

A couple of days after we got back, my pseudo-boyfriend called me up and told me that she told him that I stuffed my bra. She'd apparently seen me changing. ........

I was flat as shit. What was I doing, filling in the gap? The hell? And why was she looking at me there, anyhow? Gross. Man, I always knew she was a big ol' lezzie but now I have my proof. She's totally jealous of my chest-board. HEH. Girls are so stupid.

I liked her inclination towards christian behavior right after getting back from jesus camp. I'm pretty sure baptizing cleanses you of sins prior to the baptism... not after. Way to go!

After getting back and being back a while, my niece and her friend let up with their crap... and things mellowed on the phone with the boy. He was calling a bit less. And then about once a day. Then about every other day...

On one of these calls, my younger niece was over. I had to answer the door or go to the bathroom or something, so I gave the phone to her for a minute. She asked who he was. "Billy Bo Bob Brain" was his answer.

I found out almost ten years later that he was quoting Animaniacs.... I thought that was a little stupid at the time but just figured he was appealing to my young niece. Quoting Animaniacs as a teenage boy, completely sober: NOT COOL.

On another one of these calls, some girl tried to talk to me. I think she was 20. I didn't recognize who she was because I'd only met her once. I asked who she was. She told me to guess. His mom?? She hung up on me. It took him ages to call me back.

Immediately after that conversation he was throwing weird vibes my way. I assumed that they were fucking or something even though it seemed unlikely. He definitely wasn't "cool" with me anymore.

School started. I quit talking to my niece completely because it was all lies. He quit calling immediately after a conversation about how he was going to call me more.

shrug Less drama.

I didn't hear from or see him again after that.

A couple of years back, I was talking to my mom. My mom told me that my niece's step-mom had called or talked to my mom in private during that summer. Apparently my niece's step-mom was mad because I was whoring up the neighborhood while I was staying at their place. My mom told her to suck a fat one.

We didn't even kiss. Or touch each other, period.

I have issues with girls/women (more entries on this very topic coming...).

This song was REALLY popular during the two months I was dealing with the Moleman situation, and always reminds me of him and that general time.